Damn it babe, i just really need you right now!

The truth is suck babe..

No. Its not about you. It about me, my family bussiness, the part of life that i live but never really realize what actually happen. The side that always make me down. Insecure about life, my future, and my background in front of you.

Damn it babe. The first thing cross my head is "i hope you're here babe. I need you and your input on the case like this"

Oh damn it..

I hope you're here Cause i really need hug from you, i wanna Bury my head on your chest and hide for awhile from the reality that really suck like this.

I couldn't tell you in here babe. You know this blog doesn't work like that. Just yet.

This is part of reason i grown up as pessimist person and insecure about relationship, with anyone..

i Have trust issue, yes!
And for awhile, In this short time, with you, i therapy myself through you, Our relationship. And thank you very much dear, thank you for always be there for me. Thank you for not yet tired to push me to open up myself yo you. And im so sorry if something or the other, there Will always be thing that get clouded or not yet i told you. It not because i dont trust you. No. Its not your fault. Its mine. Its my flaw.

And now, Back to my home, to my family, that closed door bussiness that always get clouded all my life, that thing which became the reason i get broke soul inside of me, and held permanent wound on my body, mind and soul. Now it get cleared. It opened in front of my eyes.

I misunderstood everything, maybe. I still got dizzy. But it broke me again thatbi got it all wrong. That, the person who always i get closed up to just discuss thing or else, that person that for several year shattered my illusion of his heroistic side on my childish dream. It really sting me.

Damn it babe.. He get kick out from the list of the Hero on my shitty life.

I dont know what am i gonna do really. I hate him babe. He and all of men like him on the world.

It like fate really cheat on me, once again. And it suck.

I never thought it Will be like this, the truth i mean. I always thought that it just on my head. I never know that this disfungsional family would be really broken. Fuck!

How dare He do this to us! To my mom! To my Lil brother! To me and my aa!

Maybe the doubt about what happen on my family life is the thing that always shadowed me all my life. And that is why i always doubt your intention toward me.. i never really believe when you said it and you bring up your dream about us, you and me and marriage life. Im scared to death babe, Im sorry. All this time i try and learn to forgive, forget and heal my self. And i found strength on you. And i really wanna be well again, for us. For you and especially for my wellbeing. I just need you i think..

Babe i dont know what to said again. Sorry in this gonna be big day 'iedul fitri' i bring issue like this. So sorry babe..

I just don't know. All this thing is suck, and i just really need need you very much right now. Sorry..

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